Why not just say it?

The other day I was talking to my roommate about how hard it is to just say how you feel. We don't know when this happened, it seems we used to be really good at it. But lately, things are harder to say.

It's hard to tell someone no, or to tell a boss what you want from their company. And guys, it is really hard to tell a guy what you are thinking. Even when it is in no way related to feeling. 

But why is it we don't want to tell someone something even as simple as you hurt my feelings or what is the deal here? 

I took a while to think this over, honestly at first I was coming up pretty flat. And then it finally dawned on me. We don't say anything to avoid rejection. We tend to get ourselves into situations where we are comfortable, even if there is something small not right, and don't want to change that. 

Though thinking about the larger picture, it is just really scary to say things. I can point out quite a few times when my palms have gotten sweaty, heart began to race, and I wanted to word vomit... along with cry. And it ends with some one word answer that doesn't really help the situation. 

Until some times when it doesn't. Sometimes we think that finally saying something really will help. Maybe it will make you feel better or solve a problem. But when it doesn't we retract back to our manner of not saying anything. Because honestly, not saying anything seems a lot better at the time than saying something and being rejected.

See, I'm really bad at telling people how I feel, and when I finally do, most of the time I don't think they care. So what would be the point of saying something when the person you are saying it to is just going to blankly stare?

And for guys, well it is pretty obvious that I am terrible at this situation. My motto, if it isn't broke then don't try to fix it. I've tried to fix it before... and it ended with me having to fix myself. Being open with someone is thrilling, but you don't want to go too far. Push them to where they walk away. When you find someone worth keeping around you want them to stay. 

The thing I haven't figured out though, is how long can this last? Can you go forever without bringing up something you think about? That sounds quite silly. There isn't really a sign that it will get easier with time, or when the time is right. But thinking about saying something minor, like where do you see this going? Or are you okay? And it turning around to bite you in the butt would be so devastating. 

I guess it would be better to know now than down the road. Yet that is the problem we have. We talk ourselves into thinking the defeat will be easier to cope with in a few months than now. 

Yet this is the problem I see larger than just telling someone how you feel. It is that we automatically thing it will be bad. What if just once you said something and got the answer you wanted to hear? What if you asked how you made someone feel and instead of them leaving you in shambles they said they were really happy? Our problem may not be that we are scared of the outcome, it is that in our mind we have already made one.