Being healthy is living healthy

Don't worry, this is in no way one of those post that is everything you need to know about how great working out and being healthy is. Honestly... I haven't figured that answer out yet. I really hate being healthy. 


A salad will never fill me up. And veggies? Are they even real? It is true, I am a vegan, but probably the worst vegan around. Oh those fries aren't fried in the meat grease? Load me up!


See I'm only in this predicament because I abused my body for so long. Sure, you can blame it on hereditary behavior, but my great grandma was not the one shoving two H.E.B. hamburgers, nuggies and an entire bottle of ketchup down my throat every day.


But I'm beginning to realize the further away I get from wanting to be healthy the easier I find it to be.


When I was in high school I was big. And I don't say that to get pity comments, go look at my pictures and you will see. Most of the problem was due to a medication I was taking. I woke up one day and bam! 50 pounds just covered my body. I didn't even realize it until I looked at a picture a few years later. funny thing about it, everyone else did notice. 


You would be amazed at the difference in peoples character when you lose weight. First off, and I mean this in a completely non judgmental way, but a lot of people only really care what you look like. It was funny to see the guys who didn't give me the time of day in high school all of the sudden stop to say hi in a crowded room. I don't blame them honestly, but it is funny to know my face still looks the same and I'm still as quirky as before.


one memory stands out to me more than any other. We had a themed party in high school "CEO's and office hoes" (thanks for letting me borrow your button down blouse mom!). So at this party of course I was an office hoe which meant I wore spanks and a bra... nothing else. My cheer coach was holding a picture up of me. I knew I was screwed. She was kicking me off the team. Lets be honest, that was too slutty for anyones own good. 


The words right out of her mouth: "I'm so glad you feel comfortable to wear things like this. I know you have had trouble with your weight." BAHAHAHAHAHA, WHAT?????? Real life right there. That coach taught me a lot about life... even if all of it was incredibly messed up.


I was lucky in the way that when I found the problem (the medication) and got off it, the problem solved itself. I have never been a skinny girl, but I was never as big as those high school days. Though, the thing I found with weight, is once the problem is addressed it never goes away.


Don't jump to conclusions, I have never had an eating disorder. But after seeing the way my body could change I did want to change it more. I started by going vegetarian, wow does not eating meat help you lose weight. And it was something to fixate on. How many days can I go with no meat? It got easy quick. So then I found this small meal plan. How small of meals can I eat and still not be hungry? And how many times a day can I work out? 


Two was the number. I worked out two times a day. And it was great! I was looking good, feeling good, and loving life. Until one night, I was not loving life anymore. Frankly, there may have been alcohol involved. And a scale... there was a scale. 


Like I said, that is the thing with weight loss, once you know it is there it doesn't go away. And once you have seen yourself big, it is really hard to see yourself small. It is nice to come back to high school friends and hear the comments "Wow you look so good," "You are so tiny now." But it is hard to hear them when you don't believe it. 


Sure, I know I am smaller. Though the numbers I see on the scale hardly match what I see in the mirror. There is still blubber to be pinched and curves to be toned, I'm working on it. 


The thing with my fight against weight is that I have always been extreme. I was extremely big, and then I was extremely into working out and eating little to nothing. It is now that I see there has to be a happy medium. Some of it has come because I simply don't have time. Honestly, I know that is a crummy excuse but for me it works. 


I don't have time to run for an hour a day, so I settle for running on the weekend and only doing weights during the week. And I don't have time to starve myself all day and feast at night, I have to plan out my meals ahead of time. 


I know my journey with weight is not over, but no ones ever is. The thing I think it is best to know is that your body does rule your life, but only you can choose if it is the problem or the solution.