When you have something planned

Today I was going to write this great blog about the vegan cookies I have now perfected. The pictures were all loaded and my ingredient list was set. But then life did that funny thing it always does when you think you have a plan... it changes.


PART 1: The realization


It all started yesterday when I had a conversation about after college. And what I was going to do. I just got wind that the place I really want to work, who wont tell me anything, may have told someone else they really want them. Funny how things work out. You try really hard, give them everything you've got, and it isn't enough. 


The only way I knew to describe it was that I was the one they were keeping around but not committing too. And then I started to understand a lot of things in my life right now are just that. So for a moment I was really down. Really upset that people and things in my life keep me around but wont commit. 


Then it dawned on me. They have no reason not too. Not to toot my own horn, but I'm really freaking good at my job, and I'm a really hard worker. See I'm one of those people that are easy to keep around because I will do it all. I will come in early and stay late. I will listen to your problems and drive you home drunk. I am that person that will pick you up and give you everything I have because in my mind making it easy for you makes things good for me.


Which brings me to the second part of this getting slapped in the fact by reality trilogy. 


PART 2: The advice


One of my professors decided to give us some advice for the last day of class. But it was not part of his advice that helped... though his "don't mess with meth" slogan was hard hitting. Did you know to get that stuff out of a house you have to burn it to the ground? Crazy right?


But the piece of information that he gave which stuck with me most was something entirely off topic. Something he didn't even try to say for help. 


"I love my wife so much its embarrassing. She makes marriage so easy." 


And that was when I realized it really can be easy because someone makes it that way. And making things easy isn't a bad thing. One day there will be that person that enjoys it. The one that doesn't just keep you around because you make their life easy. They will commit because they makes yours easy too. 


PART 3: The part I kind of cant talk about


Okay so I know I said there were three parts. But I need to keep this one under wraps for just a little while longer. 


I will say this though. Right now I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I don't know who will be in it in a year, or even three months when I graduate. But what I do know is this is a time of learning and a time to justify. When someone or something isn't giving back what I put in maybe it is time to be done. And if I decide not to be done I need to be confident that what I am doing is benefitting me. 


Because in the end the thing we have left is ourselves, and ourselves alone.