Pee to pay, Paris and Priorities

So some times you walk through a park and see this:

And then some times you go to a restroom because you need to pee and have to pay like this:

Tomorrow is Paris! I cant wait to see it all. I wish there was more time but I'm so happy to get the experience at all.

Today we had a speaker who made me think maybe I really do want to consider moving here after school. Obviously it is a huge decision and one talk would never sell me, but it seems like something that I might truly like. This place is just so amazing.

How could you not want to be somewhere that media surrounds you? That is why we are in the field of communications.

I cant say that I see myself riding the tube every day, or even being able to adapt to their accents... and lets be honest, I will never look the correct way down these streets without second guessing myself. But this place is pretty awesome. And we are only young once. They always say we are supposed to move somewhere crazy and make something of ourselves. It's just about my time.

Day two

Start my day off with this view? Don't mind if I do! Here is a little snap shot from Hyde Park, just a few blocks away from our hotel. Decided to go for a little morning jog around this beauty with one of my class mates. 


I can't even begin to describe how wonderful this place is. Nothing can get me down. Three hours in an archives building? Yes please! Walk around listing to a guide make Jack the Rippers murders seem like a comedy show? I'll take that too!


My feet are pounding, and I have probably collected more germs on the subway than a small child. But ladies and gentlemen... I have spent 20 years in Austin and 2 in Lubbock and cant find my way around the towns as good as I can London. It has indeed been a crazy day, and an even more surreal experience than I was expecting as we visited the University.


I have always assumed that the students in London would get jobs much easier than I would. It was shocking to hear they are in fact in the same boat as me. Maybe even worse. Speaking to two print journalism students they told me there are not even small markets to start at like in the states. Where I will have an opportunity to begin at the bottom and work my way up they practically have to wait for the old gal at the top to croak and beg for the position. 


Though begging wont work either. 


It is insane to know there are so many people struggling in this field. Crazy that people will work so hard, these girls 80 hour weeks, only to know in the back of their mind it wont pay off in the form of employment once everything is over. Scary to think. 

Day One

Today marks the start of my London blog adventure. It will track my days here starting with number one:

Wow, I'm finally in London! I never thought the time would truly come. Sure I have spent weeks packing and preparing while trying to rush through finals, but this is insane!


It took me the entire first day to actually understand I was not in Texas any more. Seeing the London Tower and the London Eye all lit up really did it for me. But the more I let my surroundings set in and get used to my new life for the next 11 days I'm starting to realize just how wonderful this place is.


The most wonderful difference so far are the people. They are just like us in every way, yet the exact opposite at the same time. For instance, their beauty. They are all beautiful. It's like walking in a constant runway show, except you are 5 foot 2 and don't have bone structure so pristine it could cut glass... they do. I can't even decide what it is that makes them so beautiful. In most ways they look just like us, but everything is enhanced. 


And these people, they are so fit. It make sense because they walk everywhere, though today I saw a guy order a two course meal in Starbucks. If someone from the states did that everyone would look at them like they were mad.
Also, did I mention their speech? Once you "mind the gap" in translation and get around the barrier of calling a trashcan a rubbish basket you see how beautiful their speech is. They speak with such thought, every sentence complied with care and mind of what exactly they want to say.


Coming to London the last thing I was expecting to be so intrigued by were the people. So many times I was told "They are just like me," and "There wont be any difference besides the accent." Boy were those people wrong. The British are fantastic.

London calling

Be here in less than 48 hours? Oh don't mind if I do! It is finally the time I have been waiting for... I have finished the longggg classes, packed my bags, and in just a few short hours will print my boarding pass. Lets be honest, there will be at least two of three instances of kneeling in the airport (I've never been through DFW) and there is a good chance of missing my flight. Who knew they booked flights where people actually couldn't get from one to the other? Not me!


But non the less the time is here. I am about to embark on my 11 day trip to London, with a little weekend of Paris mixed in. I could not be more ecstatic. This wont be another trip to Florida that is for sure!


All I can think about while packing my last few things, not even having to shove them into the suitcase. Good thing I brought room to shop! But, all I can think about is how this would have never been possible without my parents. Once again, they have saved the day.


When I was growing up I of course thought they were out to get me much like most kids do. Not to the extent of most, but come on mom... a 12 o'clock curfew? Really? Though now I'm at that point where all I can do is respect them. Respect them for all of the little flaws, and everything they think they are bad at. Because honestly my parents aren't bad at anything.


I often look at myself and think I could do better. I could have more job offers after school if I would have taken one more internship. Or I could go further if I would have made just a few more A's. Then I stop and think of the good things I have done so far, and how I would never have done them without my parents.


My life has been set around irrational decisions. I need to be a singer, I want a horse, I have to be a cheerleader. But my parents were always right there letting it happen. My dad running me around town to make demos and sending them to record labels. My mom taking me to endless practices for a sport that isn't even a real sport. In the end they probably felt pretty silly, but they did it for me. 


And them going out of their way for these crazy dreams has made me work so hard for the ones I have found to be closer to reach.



This is the stuff parents are supposed to do. This is what mine do. Clearly I'm not going to the olympics, but did you see the sign? It's in London. Where I will be. So there is a small connection... Though either way, it proves my point. 


My parents have made the world possible to me. The day I called my dad, finally realizing this trip was not something I had irrationally thought about, but something I wanted to do. He said yes, and I started bawling. There I was sitting on my kitchen floor, trying so hard to keep him from hearing because once again, they did it for me. They made something possible that would never have been without them. They made my dream come true.

The end of a semester

My bags are packed and my finals over with (they may not be the best but they are done). And as I sit here, trying to find time to fill my final days in Lubbock before my trip to London, I start to look back on this year. I feel thus far this has been the biggest year of growing for me. I've learned some things I can no longer do, and some that I hope to keep working on. But I think it is good some times to go through and evaluate the things you may have over looked during the busy days of work, school, internships and just a little fun.


So here are some of the things I have learned this year:


1) You CAN do too much
Now this is one I have yet to finish figuring out. But I can now say that this year I did too much. Going to classes, working for a magazine, interning with KISS, being involved in two clubs and working at FOX was a little too much. Though I managed to survive, it wasn't easy. And I started to realize at the end of it all that maybe giving yourself an hour or two a day to breath is even kind of healthy. Who would have thought? Going back I maybe would have said no to a few things. Though saying no really sucks. I always felt guilty, which is why I was in the position I was in. 


2) You don't always get out what you put in
It was a hard hitting truth when I finally came to the realization that my so far "dream job" doesn't really think I'm a dream worker. Honestly, I'm starting to think they see me as some what of a joke. It is hard to know you gave a company your all and they can really give you nothing in return. I didn't want to believe it, even spent nights crying over it. But perhaps this is my beginning to a new chapter, there will be a news station that wants me as bad as I want them. The problem with a new chapter is the page before is blank and full of uncertainty. 


3) Finding your thing helps
Everyone has that one thing, it helps them mellow out and allows for a small mental break. For me it is writing. Something I have always loved but strayed from lately just to get by. Which brings up part two of finding your thing. When you find your thing don't lose it because you think you need something else. I halted writing because I thought being a journalist was more important. Funny thing about it, I became a journalist so I could write. Finding that happy medium and keeping the thing you love in the trade you work is difficult but obtainable.


4)Some times things don't go your way
Okay, I know this is hard to understand. At least it was for me. But some times... things don't work out. I hate to admit this because I wanted more than anything for every last hope of mine to work out. But some times they just don't. And when they don't you kind of have to man up and deal with it. Some times I need to stop and take a breath, something I refuse to do in most situations. This year has taught me that no matter how hard I try or how upset I get some times things are out of my hands. Now this trick is learning how to not grasp for them anyways.


5) Waiting does pay off
This has perhaps been my biggest realization because it ties together quite a few things. I have always thought things are definite. You want a job and it isn't ope you wont get it, you like a guy and he is taken you will never have a shot. I have now been proved wrong. And for good reason! I didn't think it would happen, but finally something I wanted came around. And that something began testing my ability to wait every single day. As frustrated as I sometimes get, I always end up smirking at the thought of waiting. For once I can say my waiting has paid off, even once it ends because I can now understand that patience is key. And that time you wait for something you really don't think will come, perhaps that is the time where waiting is best rewarded. 

Five years from now

It's been over 48 hours since I have blogged. Feels kind of weird. But it's finals time so clearly things are crazy here in Lubbock. I just walked out of my last final. Cant decide is this crazy rain is a rejoice or a sign that I did bad... But it is over and that is all the matters!

And with this new found freedom I have deiced it is back to blogging. Thing is I really did miss it the last two daya. This has become my outlet to the crazy world I live in. 

Recently I read a blog of Diana Oats (her stuff is really good you should check it out!) where she received a letter that she wrote to herself five years ago in high school. It was a depiction of where she wanted to be when the letter arrived, and what she wanted to be doing. 

Clearly I am past writing to my college graduated self my senior year of high school, but even still it is hard to guess where I will be and I think it is a great time to write myself a little reminder for years down the road.

Dear self,

Lets get real here. I know you pretty well and all. five year from the day I wrote this would be May 11, 2017. There are a few things I hope for then, and a few things to look out for. 

First and foremost I hope I am happy. But not that skim the surface happy I so often pass off as okay. I want to be genuinely happy. And better than that I want to know what genuine happiness is. There are a few things I think will get me there, so those are the ones I would like to share today.

1) Review your job:

Where are you working? I hope by now you are out of the 125 market for journalism, and I hope you have found your niche. I know when you graduated you were a little scared. Do I go into TV, print or radio? Am I even good enough for any of those? By now you probably are, though I want you to take a moment to make sure you are happy. Remember the times that work got you down, and remember the times it was good. Let there be more good than bad. If not, change it. 

2) Review the love in your life:

You were always so cynical of love and giving it away. I know you didn't hate it, but you were so scared. Being safe was so much better than being hurt. As of now it has started to change. You are getting better at feeling, but look at those around you. Who do you love? Who do you like? Are you giving them your all? I hope in five years you can. I hope you are allowing yourself to feel these feelings that bring so many joy. And better yet I hope you have truly loved. Even if you have lost too. In my mind I want to say at this point you will be broken, with our luck you will have found someone you thought was so perfect, that special someone will have just crushed your heart to pieces. I hope when you read this you realize you did the right thing. That finally opening up was better than shutting down. 

3)Review yourself: 

Lastly I want you to review yourself. I want you to take a good look and make sure you are who you want to be. Right now I hope for you to be happy and healthy. I hope you are sharing your life with someone, be it friend or more, and I hope you are making progress. I hope you have learned to slow down and enjoy those around you. Take time for yourself and find something like blogging, if not still that, which you can do to relax. And most of all I hope you have the courage to change. If you no longer like where you are then move, if you don't like your job quit. And if you haven't found someone or something to keep you happy search harder. 

How things change

There is this one thing I keep coming back to... dreams. But why do we have them? And why do they change? Some dreams stick around, the ones you always go back to. Why is that?

Everyone had those dreams they wish would have come true, and those dreams that seem so funny now.

Here are some of mine:

First, all I ever wanted to be was a singer. Perhaps like Taylor Swift. I wanted to be the best singer out there. To come back to family functions and class reunions and be famous. Honestly, I wasn't even that good. That tid bit did not stop me from begging my parents to relocate to Nashville year after year, give me voice lessons, and make ridiculous demos. When I was younger being a singer was the only thing to be. Singing was all I had.

Though the thing with dreams is that as you get older so do they. Eventually being a singer was a little outlandish, and well, I was past my prime. Now I want to be a journalist. I want to spread news to the public and I want to be trusted to give the truth. I'm starting to find that even this dream is harder to obtain than I thought.

Second is a dream I still wouldn't change. When I was in high school I had a bit of a tiff with my cheer coach and a lot of the girls on the team. It was one big cat fight. I hated it, and myself for that matter. You don't really understand the bottom of the barrel until you are there. And boy was I. This is a story too long for one blog. But I will get to it eventually. Though in this time, as I sat in the hall way hyperventilating, one of the school councilors told me "I see so many kids that would have such better lives if they didn't go through these halls." These words have always stuck with me and is something I hope to one day do something about. For a while it was a goal to me a motivational speaker, go to schools and tell those kids that high school isn't it. One day things will be better.

It is something to think on, but that is a dream I know will never change.

The most outlandish of my dreams... and the longest standing dream. My two story closet. This one right here, no one is going to change my mind on. It will be marvolous. Every inch covered in color coordinated clothes. Shoes will line the walls. A grand staircase right up the middle highlighting my favorite things. See, to me this closet is it. It is the "Congratulations Shelby, you have made it," symbol. clothes have always been the thing I could take pride in. They don't hurt you, they only leave when you get rid of them. I know it sounds crazy, but clothing is a constant, and it feels so good to slip on that new unworn shirt or dress. this is where it's at, and one day it will be all mine.

Lastly, I wanted someone great to share my life with. YES! I know, it is crazy to think I (never going to get married or settle down) wanted someone. But at one point I did. Even knew who the guy was. He is wonderful, the best. We talk for hours, love books and some said we would have nerdy kids with glasses. Another shocker, with him I could kind of think of kids... though they are still creepy.

But that is the thing with dreams, as you get older so do they. I know now he was not meant to be my person. I will always share my life with him, but not on the level I once thought. Since then I have gone through phases. I spent a long time knowing I was not meant for someone else. Not in a pity way, but I really didn't want it. Recently I have been trying to get away from that. Other people are scary though. you don't know what they are going to do, and frankly it's really hard.