Walking down the stairs with my laptop in hand I was really excited to blog. Then I started thinking... I am kind of lonely. Don't get my wrong, I'm happy, and this isn't some cry for help. But the truth is, I'm all alone. It is a Friday night and I am by myself.
Quite a few moments have lead up to this point.
Like high school. High school, when one night without your friends meant social suicide. Maybe you could spare a Tuesday night, but honestly, why aren't you just studying with them at Starbucks? Oh, you aren't in any of the same classes? Who cares! "Mom, you mean you don't want to drop what you are doing to bring me to Megan's house so we can do nothing? BUT MOM!! Didn't you ever have a life as exciting as mine?!?! If you did you would understand!!!"
And college. Remember those nights when you were wasted with all your friends? And remember how much fun it was? The joy of waking up sleeping on the couch with your roommate, because who doesn't love a sleep over? "You sleep on the couch and I'll sleep on the floor. Or you sleep in your bed and I'll sleep on the floor." Clearly I love the floor... Kristin I had to put this in for you.
But what happens when you are no longer in those stages? What if you are as far away as you can possibly be?
See, I am no longer in high school. I have no reason to study at Starbucks. Though, the baristas at the Starbucks down the street probably interact with me more each morning than anyone else during the day. And I don't drink. I don't like it much any more. I'm not sure if you know, but bars aren't the most fun when you don't drink. And when you act like bars aren't fun people stop asking you to go to them.
Oh, bug the most obvious sign of them all... this weekend is boys bid night. Not sure if you know what this is, but boys bid night is the best thing that ever happened to college. See, it is the night that all the new frat boys get their bids, and everyone else in town gets drunk. I've been working at a boutique where all these girls keep coming in looking for the perfect bid night dress.
Yes, this outfit must be picked out in advance. It has to be just slutty enough for the wasted faced guy you are dancing with to see your underwear, but tight enough that he cant actually get to them. As all these cute, innocent, girls were picking out their perfect ensemble, all I could think was wow... I'm too old for that. Not that I am too old per-say, but I am no longer in a state where I can be surrounded by that kind of action. Lets just say I'd be better off walking in wearing my cap and gown than I would trying to dress like a freshmen.
Boys bid night last year I woke up the next day with a bowl of pasta in my lap, black X's imprinted on various parts of my face and arms, and all my clothes on. I go to boys bid night this year and I wake up the next morning having to run, and go to work, and be presentable (camera ready as they like to call it in my business).
So here I am. Thinking my night is the bomb.com until I realize it is Friday night and I am sitting all alone. It doesn't upset me all that much but it does make me wonder. How did I get here? And will it always be this way?
It's not like this was my life even just 6 months ago. It wasn't until I let my job take over that things started to change. I wouldn't change what I did for the world. I have come to terms that I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I am quite mature and established for my age. But is this the price I had to pay? Will I forever spend Friday nights alone, blogging to a computer screen?
It's beginning to feel like I'm a stranger to a world I once knew. A world I used to be pretty good at living in.
Unfortunately I don't really have a good solution for this one. I feel bad leaving on this note, but I guess some times you just have to leave it on a question and hope for the best. I can say, growing up is hard, and knowing where you fit in during different parts of it is even worse.
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