DAY FIVE: Always find the best in yourself

I am one to say, finding the best in yourself is hard. As humans we tend to lean away from the things we are good at. We want others to say we are good only to deny it. We want to be noticed but feel awkward when we are.

This is something I encourage you to break free of. Know your strengths and go with them.

There are two very prominent moments in my life that have shaped who I am in this aspect.

1) That day after cheer practice.

One day after cheer practice at Cheer Station I was having a mental break down. I can't remember exactly what it was but I know I was upset and I kept saying I wasn't good enough. Shocker, this is the theme song of my life. But this time it was different. This time my mom looked at me and said "Shelby, you know those moms at the gym? They tell me every day how lucky their daughters are to be around you. They look up to you." Now she is my mom, so she was probably being a bit exuberant. None the less I realized something that day. I was good at being a protector. It is my thing. I protect those I love, and I do it intensely. I'm not one to speak out, but when I had to watch my poor baby Freshmen cheerleaders cry in high school I took note and changed things. And when I know my roommates are in danger of an un-locked door, I make sure it is fixed. I'm not the coolest friend, I'm not the smartest, but if I care for you, you can guarantee you are in safe hands.

2) That day my teacher said I can write.

When I was in 3rd grade my favorite teacher of all times (Mrs. Lumbrano) had her second baby. It was right during TAKS Testing. She had always told us, "You take all the time in the world to do a test. No one is worth rushing for." That year I made sure to be the very last one in all of Wells Branch Elementary to finish. And boy did it pay off. I got a 100, and in return she came to the class just to tell me. She pulled me aside and said "You are a great writer Shelby, you will do wonderful things." I have had a lot of negative motivation in my life. Sure it would be great for some of those people who said I couldn't do it turn on their TV to my face and see that I did. But there is nothing more satisfying than living a dream someone said you could. Mrs. Lumbrano fueled my fire. She made me want to succeed. She cared when no one really needed too. She read my every word to every Harry Potter book when she knew I couldn't. She made me see my talent, and for her I will go far.

Everyone has a greatness, everyone is good at something. Find your greatness and be the best at it. Play to your strengths in a world that is so prompt to tell you your faults. Understand a compliment means something, take them with gratitude. And be the best you can be. It really isn't that hard once you realize it is just you being you.

DAY FOUR: Be good and bring good

There will come a time in life where you realize all you really need to do is be good (says the 21 year old who has it all figured out...) You need to be good for yourself, for those around you, for those you love, and those you hate. You need to be good because being good will get you far. 

I try very hard to be good in all aspects of my life. I want to surround myself with good people. Eat good. Do good work. And just be good. 

But being good is hard. No one is perfect, I can vouch for that. The more I try to be good the less I really am. Over my own journey to enhance these traits I have begun to understand that all it boils down to is why be something else if you can just be good?

Like when I eat a sweet. I could have just eaten an apple. But that browny sounded so much better. Until I ate it. I could have easily said no thank you. Stepped away and done some crunches, but instead I ate the browny only to stew in anger about it after. I hate eating brownies. Their tasty flaky top layer just thin enough to make you want the soft inner filling. And don't even get my started on the edges. If I could eat the edges of every browny pan in the world... Well, I would not fit into any of my jeans and my cholesterol would be high as a kite. Which is why I HATE eating sweets. 

This battle of self control is painful, and frustrating. The payoff is worth it though. And there are things that can help. 

By being good for myself I seem to attract others who can be good for me too. People who make me feel great, and do kind things, speak kind words. These people are good. It was hard to let them be good at first. Trust me, I'd do everything by myself if I could. Some times though, you have to find good in someone else to remember the good in yourself. There are people that want to help. People that truly care. Those people are good.

When I work good I feel good. It is so accomplishing to hear someone say you have produced a good story. Not too long ago someone was speaking of one of my stories without knowing it was me. This feeling will never leave me. I sat in silence loving the feeling it gave me. Loving that I knew just one person had learned from what I said. It may have been about boat safety, but I bet he wont wade the water next time I brings that jet ski out. 

And when I eat good, and do good for my body, I look good. The confidence you get from giving your body a healthy chance, and the results. There is a saying "Nothing taste as good as skinny feels," I hate to give in to this motto, but it is true. Not that you need to starve yourself. Not at all. But doing good for your body feels so nice. You have more energy. you are confident in your clothing choices. Everything seems to be good when you know you are making good choices. 

So here is my ramble of the day. Be good. Do good. Feel good.

DAY THREE: Don't be afraid to say no

This word no is something I still have quite the trouble with. Saying no is really hard, but saying yes all the time can define you. 

I used to be in a place of yes. Yes I will take on another class in which I will be unable to juggle the assignments, yes I will work 7 days a week for no pay even though I can't keep my eyes open, yes I will go out to that party/bar/club in which I will feel awkward. I said yes because it is so much easier than saying no.

But the more I said these three letters the more I felt lost. No sleep will do that to you. And so will doing things you don't want too. 

Ever get that feeling where you are in the middle of doing something and you just don't want to be there any more? Kind of like when you drink, there is always that moment where you no longer want to be drunk, too late! Your hair is a mess, your breath reeks of beer, and that cute outfit you put on hours ago... it isn't so cute with those wet stains down the front. Vodka doesn't clean well.

See, I began to realize I was having a lot of these moments. I would be at a party and really want to be home. I would be running around from class to class and job to job wishing for a physical break down so I wouldn't have to face my next task. 

I really wanted to be in a place where I could hear the person I was talking to, and share a real experience, not a drunken talk. 

When you are in college however, this is hard to come by. It is socially acceptable to go out, it is not socially acceptable to sit around in underwear and a tank with a good book... unless you are drunk and being the life of a party. Then it is a great idea. Just be aware of the photos the next day.

For me not going out came with finding someone who didn't either. He was very into triathlons so drinking and staying out late only interfered with his training. For me this was perfect. And I held onto it for a long time in part because I felt safe in knowing my weekend plans were made. And waking up the next day to the sun rise is so much better than waking up to a headache and a fuzzy memory of the bar tops you danced on.

When it was over, I had to learn how to be different on my own. It was hard, and I still some times feel awkward. Obviously when you say no to the bar over and over people are going to get the hint. Driving down the road after a long day at work only to see it full of drunk people does make me think maybe I should give it another try. But I am quickly reminded of how nervous I am in those situations. And frankly, alcohol taste horrible. Some times I even think I'm allergic. 

Okay, so probably not, but it seems like a good excuse. 

I'm not saying this is for everyone, nor am I saying you need to stop going out. Some people are meant to be social butterflies, and they excel at it! What I am saying is don't be nervous to say no if you don't want to do something. Don't fear you will lose friends, or be worried about which frat-attack wont see you out. You don't need to impress those people, you need to impress yourself. 

It is so easy to place ourselves in these awkward situations just to impress someone else. People will give you a hard time, but in the end, if someone wont talk to you because you wont hit up the bar they probably don't need to be going to the bar anyways. 

DAY TWO: Friends are the family you find

There is this thing called friends, and frankly they are a life line. But it is really hard to find the right ones, and even more difficult to let go of the wrong. 

I have been lucky enough to have two amazing sets of friends in my time. Those who I had when I was younger, and those I have now. These friends didn't come easy, but I can say with confidence they wont leave easily either.

I'm really good at shutting people out. I'm one of those who, the moment you burn me in any way you are out. I don't give second changes, and I don't care to hear an excuse. I'll be your biggest fan, and try my hardest to understand and listen to every problem you have, but once you cross that line. I'm over it.

This hasn't always been the case. No no, I used to try very hard to be a great friend to everyone. I wanted nothing more than for everyone to like me. I had to be the one people called, I wanted to be invited to every party. 

The thing is, that gets you no where. When you try your best to be the best you end up all alone. Which is why now I come off cold on this matter. It isn't out of lacking feelings, it's simply lacking need.

See, once you get older you start to understand it is in your best interest to find a few people who would give the world for you instead of giving your world to everyone else. 

Don't get me wrong. I am completely open to meeting new people. I would love to invite others in. But in most cases people are only curious, they don't truly care. Me included. Everyone knows the kind. There are the people who are great to go out with, but if you don't go out you aren't on their mind. Those who call when they need something. This is a great thing to be that go to girl, but it isn't because they consider you a true friend its because you are good with words. And then there are the infamous fren-emies, lets be honest, we all know they aren't true anythings. 

It is hard to find people who really would lay down their time for you, so why do we spend so much of ours trying to get to know these people? I'm not saying to walk around town like you own the place. Don't be the prick who refuses to speak to anyone (no body likes that girl). At the same time though, don't give your all to those who wont give anything to you. 

Finding true friends takes time. And it takes being a true friend as well. But there are people out there who will help you brush your teeth after throwing up on your 21st birthday so you have good breath at the bar. They will tell a boy no to a date so they can watch movies with you all weekend long. Blow up your inbox, email and facebook with stupid Pintertest pins, because to y'all the aren't stupid they are real life. And they will be there when you cry, sit up all night listening to your problems, then lay down on the floor next to you when you are too weak to stand on your own. 

These are the people you make fun of to their face. These are the people you call bad names because you know they wont leave. These are the girls who's clothes you put on then send the "Borrowing this" text. These are true friends, the most rare gift a girl can be given.

Six rules I live by

Ladies a gentlemen, boys and girls of respectable ages, get ready... its about to be a blog fest in here! Over the next six days I will be telling you the six rules I live by. This was inspired by a book I recently read. A PR goddess Kelly Cutrone explained that she was approached to write the 10 commandments but turned it down. 

Honestly she is way too cool for something like that. But I'm not. And hearing it made me think of my own commandments. So for the next six days (I chose six since I will be leaving for home next Saturday! And I don't have 10) I will be sharing the things that help me get through this crazy world, and explain how they have come about.

DAY ONE: You can't until you can

Something I have found very prominent in life is turning your cant's into cans and your dreams into plans. 

As a child I was very stern. "Mom I HAVE to be a singer. I was meant to be a singer. If I'm not a singer I will be nothing." and "Dad I need a dog, I will die without a dog. My life will end. Just end I tell you!"

Everything was something big. Everything was a dream. And everything was the most important thing.

But then everything became hard. All my life I have been told I can't. You can't be a singer, you can't have a dog (except that one time when I did get a dog) but the list goes on. You can't be a writer, you can't even spell. You can't be enough for me. News? You can't be in new with those looks. 

Life is full of cant's, and it is also full of dreams. Sure, when you are five and want to be an astronaut you aren't really thinking about the plausibility. But that is just it. Why should anything have to be plausible?

See, over the years I have learned that the only thing stopping us from achieving our goals and overcoming our cant's is us. You are the only problem. You have the choice. 

A few days ago I was asked to spell a word out loud. This is something I just can't do. Not that I don't think I can, but mentally with my dyslexia words form incorrectly in my head. Writing them down works fine, people like me are the reason spell check was invented, it is just out loud where I have trouble. So here I am, sitting in a room full of people, mortified to spell a word. 

And this is when it hit me. "Shelby," I told myself, "Just spell the word." And I did. And, it was right. Before I would have died. Tears would have flown down my face right then and there. But not this time. Nope. This time I knew I could do it. Because when I know I can it works. 

When you start to eliminate can't you start to initiate your dreams into actions. That is the difference in your childhood dreams and your adult ones. When you are an adult you have the option to do something to achieve them. Try as I did, nothing was going to get my on a plane/train/bus to Nashville to be the next Taylor Swift before there was Taylor Swift. My parents were not budging from their Austin home, and my sister so frequently reminded me of my awkward dance moves. I couldn't shake it like Britney Spears if I couldn't even shake it like a robot. 

But these problems occurred because being a singer wasn't actually my dream.

This is where I think we let a lot of negative in. When you are trying for a dream that isn't yours then of course those cant's will get in the way. I get nervous sining in front of people. And I'm not that good. Never did I really want to live a life being gawked by people. I avoid eye contact with everyone, and honestly, I don't even like my friends to hug me. Clearly having strangers grab after me would have been one mental breakdown after another. (Oh, and if you didn't know by now I wasn't just going to be a singer, I was going to be the best singer.)

My true dream was Journalism. I truly love the camera work that goes into it. I truly love to write, un dig a story, understand someones life one-on-one. Large crowds make me nervous, but meeting a single individual wanting to tell their side of things has the upmost appeal. I was lucky enough to lose a significant amount of weight after high school, thank you universe for saying I can be on film. 

And above all else I know that this is where I want to be. Not even the dirty deeds and so called "b**** work" get me down when on the job. Sure, I get lost EVERY single time I have to drive the cars. And sure, I get emails saying I spelled another thing wrong on the web. Though no matter how many times someone tells me I can't, I now know I can. Never do I regret the decision I have made to turn my cant's into cans and my dreams into plans.

In life, you are going to fall

So that girl in the green shorts... that is me. Not literally me, but honestly they couldn't have made a better replica of what is awkward me. 

And don't you worry, my friend Kayla took no time pointing it out. Not that I don't deserve it haha 

Here I was reading a group text message: "This reminds me of Shelby." How sweet I thought, she is going to show a picture of a little blonde haired girl with a cute outfit on. 

Then I open the link to this. Cool.

Wondering what exactly I did to deserve this? Well let me tell you, I deserve it alright.  You have heard of my moment of kneeling... and you are about to hear my moment of busting my face.

Lets go back a few years, 8th grade if I remember correctly. It is new years eve and our parents had bussed 20 boys and girls out to Kaylyn's lake house. I had my sisters Bebe shirt on and was feeling great. Of course, as most of my younger days (and older days really) were spent, I was single and surrounded by a million couples. You can say this is an exaggeration, until you are sitting at the head of your senior prom dinner table with 12 other people. That's right, let me introduce you to the 13th wheel. Nice to meet you too.

I was also surrounded by grass. And this grass was shaped like huge stair steps. Every couple of feet there was a dip down in the ground to the next patch of grass. Clearly this set up looked like a gold mine to the boys as they were taking turns running and jumping off. Yeah thats right, we thought it was cool.

And it only made sense that the girls were trying to do the same. Because everything guys do is something girls need to do too. But, like girls, it had to be made into a big deal. So as each girl took their turn running right to the edge then screeching to a halt and screaming I started to see that this was just silly. 

"Guys, come one it really isn't that hard!" 

Watch me eat my own words. And some dirt.

I took off running (full speed) and bam! No no, not bam did I jump, bam did I hit the ground rolling. Too bad I didn't see the huge pot hole in the grass. Good thing my foot caught it. And good thing my sisters nice Bebe shirt looked good with grass stains. 

Okay, so none of those were good. But here I am laying on the ground like an idiot, in front of my biggest crush of all time (in 8th grade every crush is the biggest crush of all time), because I thought I needed to show these girls how to stop acting like girls. At the time nothing ran through my head but embarrassment. I would never recover. Obviously I would have a limp for the rest of my life. No boy would ever want to date the girl who fell on new years eve. I would never get married, and obviously no place of work would want someone so stupid. 

Little did I know then that everyone falls on new years eve. Everyone fell a lot in life.

You need to fall to remember there is ground below you. What matters is how you get up. And, after brushing off a small amount of the dirt I stood up like a champion. Okay, really I wobbled to my feet and walked away. But that is fine. I survived. 

Which is something we forget when we fall in life. We will survive. And those moments that seem unbearable, they pass. Just the memory lives on. But those memories bring you the best things.

Look at Whitney Port. She had the opportunity to model for a morning show and what did she do... fall right over at the end of the stairs. What did it do for her though? She was noticed by the designer, introduced to Kelly Cutrone, got a job, made a connection, made a clothing line, got it placed in stores. Now, this wasn't all because she fell. But no one knows where the two other models who didn't fall are. 

So that is my point. Falling is embarrassing, and falling hurts. My butt was sore for days. My butt healed though. And so did my ego. And years later people still remember. It is always better to be remembered for something silly than to not be remembered at all.

You can cry or you can laugh, no body cares

Today I'm going to give you a little lesson in love. Well, really losing love.

My oldest friend (truly, we were introduced at three months or something crazy like that) came to me upset about a recent break up. Now I'm not one to tell it like it is, but lets be honest, at this point in time if he doesn't want to hear it from me then he wont want to hear it from anyone. 

So I went for it. I let him know how it really is. 

I see so many people upset about getting dumped, they lost the LOVE of their lives... they cant go on. News flash! If they were the love of your life they wouldn't have left. 

And now you are probably saying, "Shelby, please, it isn't always that easy." 

But really, it is. 

See, people make relationships so difficult. They try to act like things have to be complicated to have a pay off in the end. That just isn't true. A real relationship should be simple. It should be easy. It should be perfect.

My friend was moping around like someone stole his favorite pair of shoes (lets be honest, you should be more upset about that than being dumped). When someone steals your shoes they aren't ever coming back. Someone can't steal you heart. Last time I checked it was inside your chest, behind your ribs, surrounded by some nasty looking veins. Try to steal that and see how it goes.

So finally I had to tell him just how things were. 

Think of it this way. If you tried so hard, put so much effort into a relationship where you were not given it back, think of how wonderful it will be when you are. 

And another thing. Why are you acting sad when you could be happy? Seeing my friend so sad made me angry. Why are you being sad? What is the point? Right, there isn't one. Sorry to say but if someone didn't care enough to stick around they aren't going to care that you are upset. It really only effects you to be sad. It only brings you down. Only makes you look weak.

You know what works? Smiling that gloomy world in the face and saying "I'm just fine thank you!"