If I could do it all again

After my wonderful experience at the movies alone yesterday I have been thinking a lot about my own high school days. Looking back I remember a lot of good times, and a few bad as well. The further into my memory I got the more things I began to reconsider. I have to be honest, there are a lot of things I would have changed about those four years. Not like I wouldn't have worn that terrible stripped and polkadotted shirt. We all have those thoughts. But change as in what I did and didn't do. Who I tried to be.

Just think about it. I'm sure everyone has these things they would have done differently.

Like when it was cool to dress hoochy for themed parties and Halloween. If I could go back I wouldn't have worn that Harry Potter dress, or those bloomers and bra. I'd be that girl who wore the long skirt and oversized buttondown jacket. Instead I was the girl in the photo, minus the jacket and boobs, plus 40 pounds. It wasn't a good look. And frankly I hated dressing up like that. But lets be honest, when you are in high school and everyone is doing it you are not going to be the girl who doesn't.

And I would have stopped trying so hard to fit in where I didn't. I was always in the popular crowd but frankly, I wasn't popular. The invites were never sent to my door, instead I tagged along with friends. I was never picked to play on the drunk sand vollyball teams, I just sat and watched. When we would go to bonfires I was always the girl in the corner watching. Not in a creepy way, but kind of in a creepy way... Not that I blame the popular kids. No way, they knew how to talk and have fun, they were cool. Hence the popular title. Honestly I'm just not cut out for that. But high school isn't a place to admit it.

If I could go back I would have quit the cheer team when I had the chance. Crazy thing, but after high school no one really cares that you were senior cheer captain. Most people can't even believe I was. And who knew that professional cheerleader isn't an actual full time job. At least not one that could pay my rent and student loans. Try and tell me that in 2009 I would have thrown a fit. But it makes sense now. I can see past the pom-pom's and spirit stick. Back then that was my claim to fame, now it is just a scrapbook in my closet.

Oh, and that boy I was in love with, Ben King, I would have told him. For sure. Not that anything would have come of it, there was no way he would have been seen with me. But I would feel so much less creepy now knowing I just told him instead of memorizing every song he liked... Oh yeah... that did happened. Kings of Leon's lyrics will forever be bruned in my head, along with his yellow and orange plad shirt. He wore it with a brown puffer vest. Yeah, I'm a freak. You were warned. But in high school you crush, you don't make moves. You wish the guys would talk to you and beat yourself up inside about how un perfect you are.

That is the thing about high school, you really just aren't yourself. You don't want to stand out, and those who do are really trying to fit in too. I hate to dumb down the outcast group, I truly wish you all were the ones who marked the path. The halls would shine so much brighter. But everyone in high school is just the same. You are all fighting to fit in by standing out. If you want to be the best football player, or the darkest goth, the nerdiest nerd, or the prettiest cheerleader. In the end you are all striving for the same thing. If I could do it over though, I'd strive for my own thing.