What do we make of it?

Lets just take a moment to examine this photo. At least that's what I did while walking around Town Lake with Jeremy yesterday. So there I was examining this wonderful view of rustic trees and green grass mingling with reaching modern building... and kind of freaking out. 

That's right, after all this moving and making these great new plans I'm all but content. 

"I AM FREAKING OUT!" 

When Michael did that in an episode of The Office and declared bankruptcy his problems were gone. Okay, they weren't really. But I wish they were because then I would feel like my problems were gone.

You are probably thinking that I'm a hot mess express. Thinking this would make you correct. I know I'm living in one of the most beautiful cities (not just by my standards but by some very credibly magazines as well) and I am sitting at home all day on Pinterest and Facebook. I am fully aware these are things most people would pay a lot of money to do. 

It just isn't me. Or at least what I am used too. Not because I don't enjoy what I'm doing. I have enjoyed this new journey more than expected. But that is why I am feeling these things. Thinking about how this future of mine could pan out into a life of joy compared to how it could end in a pit of fire is really scary. 

Don't get me wrong. Seeing this wonderful lake was not what brought on all of these fears. No, the clear water and perfectly sculpted people jogging along on that fine Thursday morning so content with their lives they don't even need to bother doing work during the regularly scheduled hours of 9 to 5 were in no way taunting my perhaps deemed future. 

Part of my fear came with the move from Lubbock. Where I left two solidly paying jobs and a roof over my head. The other came when I made a visit to H and R Block the evening before. My dad told me we needed to do my taxes. A joyous occasion seeing that in the past it means I would get some of that tip money so wrongfully taken from me back! Not this time... No no. This time I paid $39.99 for them to tell me that taking 20 hours of classes and working three jobs caused me to owe $2.00. But they don't take $2.00 charges so I also needed to pay $3.50 JUST to meet the minimum pay.  

Yes, these are the reasons I am freaking out. How am I ever supposed to survive in life? Nothing is panning out!  

See, I'm not taking the conventional way towards things, I'm not even taking a real way towards things in most peoples books. For many this uncomfortable, unknown journey is what ends in success... but that doesn't mean I'm going to be one of them. I have no guarantee but the diploma Texas Tech gave me. And unless I can beat someone over the head hard enough to knock them into giving me life long benefits and security I am going to have to take a leap into that brisk blue water. 

Metaphorically of course. What I mean is that I need to take a leap and dive into this life in front of me. In the end I guess it does make more sense to try and fail than to sit around and watch it pass me by. That only guarantees failure right?