Being my first good deed after dishing for the cause of a mission trip, and factoring in that I am broke as a joke, I decided to take this one for the team and do something for myself. I want these deeds to mean something and be big, even if it is only big in my eyes.
For two and a half years now I have liked this boy. He is a wonderful boy. The kind of guy who is always there when you need him. He says the perfect things, and even enjoys gawking over books. The good kind like Ayn Rand's The Fountain Head. And for two and a half years I let myself think he was too good for me. I watched as he dated other people, and I dated other people. We took in each others problems, and all the time I wondered what I didn't have?
This weekend I changed my mind. He came to visit me and I knew it needed to be done. For once I had to ignore the fear, that fear we all have that stops us from being happy. See, I have always been scared of relationships, and wanting to let someone in. It's really scary to know that people are going to hurt you. And that is just the thing. We all know.
Or at least we think we know. What if we didn't? What if for once we acted like it wasn't going to happen? We were finally going to have that connection that wasn't balancing on the worlds oldest see-saw. There would be no problems, no worries, nothing but bliss.
So as we got monogrammed wine bottles, read silently with one another, danced to the over zealous music from across the street, and smiled at everything, I realized. This. Was. Right. It's as if when you finally let go of all those bad memories, all the broken pieces, it falls perfectly into place.
That boy who called back just to say he didn't like you any more, the one who left you down town, remember the one who took your car to "help someone move" more like move another girl to the movies on a date when he never even brought you to one? The one you thought you could change into liking you, And the guy who said you were not good enough after you gave him everything. Those guys stop mattering. All of the sudden you are laughing at the thought of them meaning something. Anything.
Because in those moments you and this guy, the one who has your stomach turning and your heart pounding, you two know everything is amazing. As amazing as it can be. And anything else you do, it will be just as amazing, if not more.
I know what you are thinking, this doesn't last. Forget that frat boy party music, this is what's over zealous! I thought that too. And I won't be shocked if the thought crosses my mind again. But that is when I have to stop myself and remember, this is different.
I don't believe in that "can't-eat, can't-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over- the-fence, World Series kind of stuff." But I do believe in finding your best friend.And not your some-of-the-time friend. Not that guy who is awesome to go out with, pays for your meals, and kisses you goodnight like a gentleman. A best friend is the person who looks at you with content. They stick around, and when they stray they come back. You laugh more than you kiss, and you kiss a lot. He holds your hand, and remembers small details even you have forgotten. He sits at your office because you are addicted to work and couldn't miss one day. Find the person who does all of that. Find your best friend and you have found the world.
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